life goes on

I finished dating the psychology phd candidate. I sure learned a lot though. Now we're onto a professor of philosophy at a top tier university. I never thought there were so many intelligent women to hang out with. Maybe something productive will comr of all this, even if I don't get married soon. Perhaps I could receive a degree based on all the knowledge I've gleaned on my dates.

Hmmm... What would that degree be called?

Weekend retreat and the new martial artsit.

The school that I teach at just had an awesome retreat. I think all schools should have something like this. That is, if the teachers are capable of boogting down with their students. I've never seen a sixty year old venerated teacher stand up on wooden poles that were in the hands of his students. The kids held him up high over their heads and gently bounced him up and down. And he stood with confidece, notwithstanding the joggling up and down of twnety excited teenage boys.

Before the party on Sat night started we had to rouse up the kids, get them in the right mood. First I started jumping over people. Soon boys were bouncing all over the room like an anti gravity pinball machine. Then I invented a new martail art form that I call the crab. It involves walking low to the ground (putting a tremendous strain on the quads) and then waving your hands around like the giant claws of the famous sea urchin. Dangerous just to look at, because most people, after breaking out of their awe and wonder for this new and graceful form, ended breaking down with laughing fits.

The kids didnt break out of the awe. Theyre still asking me where did you learn that. Is it dangerous. Can you really hurt people. Maybe you can teach me.

Im still laughing.

part 4 and done

The police man pulls up in his siren blaring, tire screeching, lights flashing, goose scaring cop car. He quite perturbed apparently. "Were you bludgeoning the geese?!!" he demanded.

"Not at all--"

" I have testimony from 50 people saying that you were bludgening and kicking the geese.'

Now there werent even 50 geese in the park and maybe there were 8 other people. But I understood that he was angry, so I responded accordingly. For better or worse, in my career working with teenage groups I have had anough run ins with law enforcement officers that Ive become quite adept at dealing with them.

After explaining that I as trying to teach the kids about coordination and cooperation, the policeman --apparently confused by the educational philosophy terms and phrases-- decided to teach me some of his own knowledge. Apparetnly these geese are federally protected species as monogomaus migratory birds. That means that theyre only here for part of the year AND that if you mess with one, youre messing with the whole family until the end of time. That would be a horrible thing to do. (the poor birds!) He should arrest me, he said, except that was paying such rapt attention that instead he dove into some more animal facts. Apparently skunks and squirrels are federally protected fur bearers. Watch out next time you run one over.

To finish this story, he was very happy that we understood each other (ie that someone finally listened with a smile to his lecture about animals and their familial habits) that hed let me off. On one condition, though. I had to repeat his lecture to my boys to ensure that this will never happen again.

Why not, it adds to the fun. So when the pliceman came back k20 minutes later and tested my guys he was so proud he almost invited me to join the force.

No thanks.

part III

After all the geese had run away, we heard a new screaming. Someone from the other side of the park was horrified. I'm calling the cops, you guys are crazy!!!" So I took the boys to other side of the park and cancelled the goose hunt for the day. The boys kept asking worriedly, "He's calling the cops, what are we goihg to do?"

"But we didnt do anything wrong," I said. "And anyway, what's he going to tell them? Theres no way that hes calling."

So on the other side of the park we started a game of good ole capture the flag. For 20 minutes or so the game went great. But then we were interuppted by flashing lights and sirens as a police sped across the grass, swerving and ripping up green tufts in its haste. Hmmmm, looks like i'm in trouble after all.

Capture the goose, part II

With fake machismo we closed in. Now its just a matter of time. Theres no escape. We will capture. With scenes from lord of the flies going through your head, dont think that we would torture the poor animal to death. No. This whole excersize is just to teach the kids coordiantion communication and cooperation. Once we caught a goose we would let it go.

But the kids were losing their compsure. We could hear the geese breathing, we were so close. One by one the kids were complaining and trying to back away. Even my sternest orders couldnt keep them in formation for much longer.

So I gave the order to attack. 20 kids and 25 geese screamed at the tops of their respective lungs. Hands and feet and feather and beaks went flying. When the dust cleared there were maybe 8 kids and 1 goose. One goose!!! We caught one. But it was so string and it was flapping its wings incessantly. The brave soul who was holding it begged for help, only to have his pleas fall on cowardly ears. Everyone responded we're coming, we're coming, but.... After a minute of struggle the goose wriggled free of its would be captor.

But the most surprising part of the story was still to come...

Capture the goose, part I

At the beginning of school, we had about a week or so of half days. The rest of the time we spent in camp mode. So one day I took the kids to the park. It was a beautiful late summer afternoon and we arrived at the park with enthusiasm and anticipation running high. The last few days had provided their own surprises. What would happen today?

Our first surprise came as we arrived at the park. We were going to play Capture the flag (not one of my favorite games, but the kids like it). But our field was filled with geese. Big geese. And lots of them. So I announced with full camp excitemnt, forget capture the flag, we're playing capture the goose! Cheers abounded and without delay 20 teenage boys embarked on their hunting mission. The sounds of the childrens screams for joy were the loudest noises heard in the park that day aside from the honking of petrified Canadian Geese. But after about 15-20 minutes of chasing the geese with abandon, the boys realized that when the goose takes flight it is faster than even the most enthusiatic blood hungry teenager.

So they came to me screaming "its not fair, you tricked us, this is impossible, what a stupid idea" they exclaimed with finality. I calmed down the crowd. Then I challenged them. "If you listen to me I'll teach how to catch a goose." They gathered around eager to hear the words of wisdom from the mouth of the elder. (In my life Ive never hunted anything except maybe for stepping on a few ants here and there. But by now they think I hold the key to success.)

They followed my directions. We formed a HUGE circle around the geese. The circle was so big that most people walking by proably wouldnt have noticed us as a group. One boy, who the geese had apparently developed an affection towards, advanced with a bag of potato chips, offering the gift as a token of endearment. Then every 30 seconds or so we took one or two steps in. After about 10 minutes of slow steeping and trying to keep the circle from gaping, we now found ourselves 2 feet from the geese. By now our fine feathered freinds had stopped chomping on the pringles and realized that something was up. They tried to run for the holes in our circle, so I had the boys all hold hands. But the truth is, that as scared as the geese were, the boys were much more.

Here goes, post #1.
The blog is now up.
I look forward to writing.

LS